philosophy is blowing my mind right now. come to think of it, all my classes are blowing my mind right now. i’m writing papers on whether the existence of God is rationally justified, reflecting on how evil & humanity go hand in hand and why God doesn’t intervene. i’m sitting in classes discussing biblical truths and historical significance of the bible. i’m listening to lectures about norms, taboos & symbols in our society and how all of humanity is weirdly connected while living under completely different cultural norms. i’m running into contradictions, misconceptions, dead-ends and plain i don’t knows. my beliefs are being twisted and shaped and re-shaped and re-twisted and thrown around all over the place. honestly, i’m three weeks into this semester and i’m tired of thinking.
it’s a funny thing, going to a christian school. it’s funny because you come in thinking that you have a solid basis for your beliefs & you can only move upward. instead, whatever kind of “foundation” i thought i had is being sloooowwwly taken down and re-examined. and challenged. and re-examined again. the more i study and the more i question, the more i run into more questions. the more i seek out explanations, the bigger the world seems to get. more intricate, more confusing, more i don’t knows. i guess i’m just realizing that there is a whole lot about this world that i don’t know or understand. there is a whole lot about humanity that i dont know or understand. there is a whole lot about morality that i dont know or understand. and there is a whole lot about God that i dont know or understand.
as i sit here in my frustration (WHY can’t i grasp the kalam argument & how it goes hand-in-hand with the anthropic principle? why is the difference between gratuitous evil and inscrutable evil so hard to distinguish?) i get an overwhelming assurance…you don’t have to know everything. you don’t need to know and you’re not supposed to know. The way this intricate world works, the way God works and thinks and acts and does anything is beyond our comprehension. we can explore, challenge & discover different truths about ourselves, God & the world. we can memorize theories and sociological paradigms and gain understanding about the way things work. we can take scripture and interpret it in ways that are both historically and contextually accurate…but we will never. fully. comprehend. in anything we do in life, we will never fully comprehend. it’s silly to believe that we will ever receive clarity about God, about this universe, or even about mankind. his thoughts are not our thoughts (isaiah 55:8). amidst my questions and frustrations, its reassuring to know that i serve a God that knows. its reassuring to know that i was created by a God that doesn’t need me to understand, because He has it all under control.
in ephesians, paul prays that, “[we] may have power to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of christ, and to know that this love surpasses knowledge”
isn’t that what it always comes back to? God’s love for us? the love that we will never be able to comprehend. a love that is still present when we forget. a love that is still present when we turn away, when we get confused, when we worry and curse and doubt and live selfish lives. a love so great that it caused god to come into a sin-filled earth as a man; to live a difficult life; to be persecuted and tried; to be put to death in the most atrocious way imaginable…for us. the greatness, the deepness, the length and the height of this love will forever be beyond our comprehension…and yet we are allowed to know it. i look back at my life, and i can see it. i go through my day, and i can feel it. we don’t understand it, but we can know it. his love surpasses knowledge. God is bigger, more powerful, more incomprehensible than our tiny brains will ever understand….and yet he allows us to know him. his love surpasses knowledge.
there is a lot about this world that i will never know. there is a lot about God that i will never know. He’s bigger than my mind will ever understand. i’m not supposed to know everything, and neither are you. if love surpasses knowledge, then which do we need? do we need both? to what extent should we try to figure it out? if love surpasses knowledge, are we to simply live in his love, and not worry about understanding? probably. but if the entirety of this post is any indication, my only real answer is i.don’t.know.
