greater than i.

its two in the morning & there is REALLY no reason that i’m awake right now, especially since i didnt have homework due & i have to wake up in six hours………..but, here i am. STORY TIME:all of my life, i feel like ive been a sponge. i think its human nature to conform to the people around us, but i think i have it BAD. what i call a sponge is someone who picks up on the mannerisms of the people around them & adapts them as their own. it used to be pretty bad when i was younger….i feel like this is just a nice way of saying that i dont have a personality?! haha thats probably what it means & i should probably be getting help or analyzed or something, but whatevs, thats life. ANYWAY….it goes like this: when im around my friends who happen to cuss a lot, i have a tendency to want to cuss. when i was in north carolina, i found myself talking with a southern drawl. when im with athletes, i find myself yearning to be more athletic. like, wearing running shorts everywhere & stretchy headbands & having tan legs. (because thats what being athletic is all about, right?? hah). SO you could say that my life is a bit of an identity crisis at times….at the core, i know who i am. but i also just have a tendency to let the surface-level aspects of my life (how i talk, what i like, how i dress) be SO easily manipulated. this one time i tried to analyze myself & basically only came to the conclusion that god made me like this, so thats how i am. he just took a billion personalities and mixed em all together and made a little kenzie soup and BAM thats my heart. (mix it all togetherrrrrrr….name that tune). NOW, i know that god made my heart. but im not so sure that he made it to be a sponge….i think that was the world. deep down, jesus is working & fixing & washing my dirty heart to make it more like his. the world tries to work on everything else. no, its not all bad…i love southern drawls and i proudly say yall WHENEVER i have a chance. but it also makes it easier to conform to the pattern of this world. SO i had a little voice, aka jesus, speak into my heart tonight while i was journaling. he helped me come to the realization that, the more time i spend with HIM, the more my sponge can soak up his goodness & love & truth….and change me. it works with the people im around all day, so wouldnt it work with jesus?! so that is what i shall do :) its like an experiment!! and maybe the more likeness of the Lord that i soak up in my spongey pores, some little drips can make their way to my heart & slowly wash that, too :) and that would truly be the BESSSTTT OF BOTH WORLDSS (name that tune, again). just an idea. speaking of ideas, this is the LONGEST POST EVAAAA….goodnight! (to myself, nobody reads this :))